End Bear Baiting!

Bear Baiting…they remove the bear’s claws and teeth, chain them to a post in the middle of an arena and the audience watches as dogs attack the defenseless animal. This is one of the worst things that I can imagine. The WSPCA needs your help to put a stop to this horrific practice. Please go to the website and give some help.

Happy Friday: Prop 8 and Michael Vick…

Happy Friday everyone! This video is disturbing and funny at the same time. I wanted to put this up because I am a part of a non-traditional marriage if you listen to the crazy lady in the video. My husband was married before and we are an interracial couple (I’m Black and he’s White). I believe that people should be able to marry whomever they please. What one gay couple in California does doesn’t affect Joe Schmo in Virginia. There are bigger issues in the world. We should work to team up instead of tearing each other down.

On another front…Michael Vick is going to be a spokesperson for the Humane Society. Please go to this PETITION to tell them what you think about it. You can read more about it HERE.

Happy National MS Day! My coming out.

I was working as a temp in a hospital in Burlington, VT. My job was to fill in for the receptionist while she was on maternity leave. The job was in the Maternal Fetal Medicine department and was extremely stressful. After a couple of months I began to feel numbness from my waist to my foot on my right side. It was patchy. Some places felt numb and other parts of my leg felt normal. I didn’t take it too seriously. I would poke myself with sharp pencils to show everyone that it didn’t hurt because I thought that it was odd and funny. That’s when they suggested that I go to the clinic. So I did. Sitting on the gurney at the hospitals clinic, I remember the man in the next bed complaining about not wanting to be treated and the staff saying that he needed to sign a waver and then he could leave. I think they wanted him to go as much as he did. So, it was my turn and evidentally it was serious (duh) because the doctor got me an appointment with a neurologist.

A few MRI’s later I’m alone sitting in the neurologists office. He throws a piece of paper at me and says “There it is”. I read the paper and wanted to figure out a way to make 85% chance positive turn into ‘I don’t have MS. I have something curable that will never return.’. After that he set me up with a second opinion. This time it was with a doctor who is a leader in the field of MS. He’s known around the world. I was very lucky.

By the time of my appointment I had made the decision to commit suicide. I had the plan and had conned one of the doctors I worked with into giving me a perscription for valium. My plan was to use that and other OTC pills to do it. I took two of the valium to be able to handle the appointment and my friend Stein Malvey took me. I couldn’t go alone again. So, I visited with the doctor and he showed me the ‘MS pockets’ in my brain. We talked and I confessed to him of my plan. He prescribed Paxil and made me promise to not go through with it. I went out to the waiting room, Stein looked at me and I told him that it was confirmed.

Having this has been difficult. Both mentally and physically. I remind myself that others have it so much worse than I do. MS won’t kill me. I make light of it to my friends and family so they won’t worry. I even sometimes forget that I have it and just go on with my day. But there are times that it’s hard. I worry about having children (what an awful thing to pass along!). I worry about my future (how healthy will I be, when/will I end up in a wheelchair [that Hover Round commercial really bothers me]…). I worry about how it affects my husband and family. I just worry.

Happy National MS Day everyone! Go tell a friend that you’re thinking of them or hug the one you love.

TygerLily Ernst Wonch living with MS for 9 years.

Revision week

Hey everyone!

I hope you all had a fun holiday weekend. So this week is devoted to revision. Today I started with the first NaPoWriMo poem. It’s looking good but I’m not ready for the reveal. So I’ll continue on with the older poems and I’ll keep you up do date on how the revision is going.

And now, poem for your reading pleasure, “Buffalo Dreams“. This was the first poem I wrote that was published. It was inspired by a painting that was discussed in an art history class of mine a while ago.

Buffalo Dreams

It was morning,
cold and damp.
Hooves beat on frozen ground.
Time had come,
my time.
Shadows arrived to retrieve me.

Homeless, hungry,
cheeks moist with salt.
Men on horseback
led me with leather
to their way of life.

Forced, I turned my back
on my Self.
I turned my face to the corn
of White profit.

Children taken from old ways tradition.
With new haircuts and clothes,
their voices stolen.

They want similarity,
an example of their decency.
They may as well ask me
to stand on a street corner
with a sign stating:
“Come Witness as I Sell My Soul!”

They watch me,
forced to reject the mountain,
reject the river,
the sun.
They force me to embrace shadows
that will never understand
that in my dreams
buffalo run,
feathers cut through wind.
In my dreams I am enough.
Sun guides me,
Moon lulls me,
Wind carries me on currents.
While they walk straight lines
with one eye closed.

So, I sit now,
enslaved by righteousness.
Tongue has forgotten word.
Hands have forgotten touch.
But I will always dream of buffalo.

(c) TygerLily Ernst Wonch

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And, if you haven’t checked it out yet, my photography is on EXHIBIT at New Chemical History. Take a look! I hope you enjoy it.

vacation.

My husband is taking a 5-day vacation so I’m joining him with a vacation from writing and blogging. Have a great holiday weekend and I’ll see you next Tuesday!!

More poems…

More poetry today!

Untitled #65: “Hallelujah” sung by Jeff Buckley. This song is an important one for me. When I was first diagnosed with MS I started planning my suicide. The plan was that it would happen if the second opinion didn’t give me good news. This song was to play on my headset as I died. The poem is about that event if I had gone through with it.

Untitled #66: “Revolution” by The Beatles. This song got out my inner hippie. The poem was a fun, trippy ride.

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Here’s another poem for your reading pleasure, “pleasure.“, from my chapbook, Urban Tumbleweed, Vol. 1: In Search of Greener Grass. NOW AVAILABLE!

pleasure.

you come over me
like summer night heat
sweet and powerful
i become Dorothy
enveloped in feelings
fast and furious
like a tornado’s breath
my rock star
keeping me warm
on late night meetings
while Letterman teases neighbors
and puts them to bed with a laugh
i look up at you
smiling beautifully
my James Dean in black and white
or Elvis on a younger day
Dylan’s words pass your lips
and i fall.

(c) TygerLily Ernst Wonch

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And, if you haven’t checked it out yet, my photography is on EXHIBIT at New Chemical History. Take a look! I hope you enjoy it.

New poems…and stuff

New poetry today! Here they are!!

Untitled #61: “Hot Freaks” by Guided by Voices. This poems surprisingly turned out to be about my nephew Myles. I expected it to be random but it just ended up that way. I don’t know if it will remain about him once it’s revised.

Untitled #62: “None of us are Free” by Solomon Burke. This really took its lead from the song itself. The song, for those who aren’t familiar, is basically a protest song…somewhat. This poem ended up with the same feel.

Untitled #63: “Brass in Pocket” by The Pretenders. This song has been running around in my mind for a while now. I kept picturing Chrissie Hynde as the waitress in the video. I needed to get it out even though I love The Pretenders and we’re going to see them in concert when they come to town. So it had to be a poem song. The poem itself was fun to write. I’m not really sure what it’s about (weird, I know) but it seems to be about a dog. We’ll see what happens in revision.

Untitled #64: “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz. This really got out my inner hippie. This song is a guilty pleasure for me because my husband really does not like this style. The poem was a lot of fun. Like a smooth ride. It was easy to write and I’m looking forward to revision.

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And here’s today’s poem for your reading pleasure, “Obscene“, is from my chapbook, Urban Tumbleweed, Vol. 1: In Search of Greener Grass. NOW AVAILABLE, you can find it HERE!

Obscene

I know all he wants to do is fuck
me like that song I’ve come to hate.  His bullshit
is bigger than his pecker,
as I watch him stare at my tits.
I called him a cocksucker,
and gave a coy smile.  He called me a cunt,

he didn’t like my sense of humor.  I’m a cunt
because he’s ugly. (I bet he fucks
like a warthog) Because he’s the cocksucker
who can’t take my shit.
But he’s still staring at my tits,
and now his pecker

shrinks like a wilting dandelion.  His pecker,
immense in his wildest dreams, now disappears in front of me, The Cunt.
So he ignores my words because my tits,
to him, are worthy of a good fuck.
It’s too bad he won’t have the chance, cuz he’s full of shit
and, as I said, I don’t do cocksuckers

That’s the big joke in his eyes.  Cocksucker,
the word becomes amusing to Peckers
who won’t see the truth.  And my shit
becomes easy to take, because he wants a taste of Cunt.
And he still thinks he’ll get fucked
tonight.  And he’s still staring at my tits

like he thinks my tits
make the decisions and ignore cocksuckers
who think they can fuck
like Valentino, or have peckers
like Tommy Lee.  But remember that I’m the Cunt
who won’t take shit

from anyone.  I don’t take shit
from guys who look at my tits
instead of my eyes, or think of my Cunt
as a goal.  I don’t humor cocksuckers
who depend on small peckers,
and think thy can fuck

the shit out of me.  I don’t do cocksuckers.
I tell him, no longer coy.  My tits, ignored.
His pecker non-existent.
The Cunt won out.  He walked away fucked.

(c) TygerLily Ernst Wonch

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And, if you haven’t checked it out yet, my photography is on EXHIBIT at New Chemical History. Take a look! I hope you enjoy it.

No poetry today…

So no new poetry today. I have the urge to work on the story “Getting out of December”. Today I’m working on character development. I really want to establish each person.

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Never one to leave you without a poem for today’s reading pleasure, “Like Tumbleweeds“, is from my chapbook, Urban Tumbleweed, Vol. 1: In Search of Greener Grass. NOW AVAILABLE, you can find it HERE!

Like Tumbleweeds

Maybe we could live
in a trailer in the middle of nowhere
like nomads
we’ll be organic
in search of the happiness of green mountains
alive like light
warm and gentle,
tumbleweeds would pass by jealous.

Maybe we could run
to the middle of somewhere
and get pelted by the sands
of a New Mexican breeze.
We’ll watch neighbors walk by
and get distracted by daydreams
of a new life for us.
And remain grateful that
time forgives us our humanness
and celebrates our naivety,
admiring us
brave in our journey
while we scream our battle cry.
Inhale the sound
the night sky blankets us,
now exhale.

Maybe we’ll just sit
at the table in the middle of here.
Bathe in the normal behavior of day to day.
Exist content in an everyday life.
Watch sunsets on the back porch swing
and rest under the cool evening glow.

(c) TygerLily Ernst Wonch

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And, if you haven’t checked it out yet, my photography is on EXHIBIT at New Chemical History. Take a look! I hope you enjoy it.

Poetry Update

I finally recovered from a nasty stomach flu and got through my lack of motivation to come up with three more poems. The songs were really weird choices and kind of put me in a strange mood.

I have not have a chance to do any work on my short story “Getting out of December” until today. Today’s plan is to read over what I already have and then arrainge it. Tomorrow I plan to work on any filler notes if I don’t get to them today.

Here are today’s poems/songs:

Untitled #58: “Save it for a Rainy Day” by The Jayhawks. This poem took on a feminist voice. It revolved around a young girl in a beauty contest.

Untitled #59: “Trouble with Dreams” by EELS. This poem was a pleasure to write. It’s nice to let loose and go with the SOC. That’s what happened here.

Untitled #60: “Wrapped up in Books” by Belle and Sebatian. This poem was actually very difficult. The song was hard to write to and didn’t inspire. I have no idea what I’ll do with this in revision.

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Today’s poem for your reading pleasure, “My Lips Infatuated“, is from my chapbook, Urban Tumbleweed, Vol. 1: In Search of Greener Grass. NOW AVAILABLE, you can find it HERE!

My Lips Infatuated

Ginger ale passes over
the lips that approach mine
during small conversation.
Mine begin to wonder
why they were so afraid of his,
his that come closer still.
Mine want to be vulnerable,
and fight to keep in the word
that is on my tongue’s tip
every time I see him,
and those lips.
His lips I have come to know well.
His lips now touch mine
and ignore the trembling of the lips
I once thought I owned.
His lips will not know that
mine will remember the kiss that
Ivory won’t wash away,
will hate to lose the touch of his,
and will always remember that taste
of ginger ale.

(c) TygerLily Ernst Wonch

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And, if you haven’t checked it out yet, my photography is on EXHIBIT at New Chemical History. Take a look! I hope you enjoy it.

Poetry and Writing updates

More work on the poetry project. I have notes for two new poems. The songs were a lot of fun. The results were as well.

A quick update on my short story “Getting out of December”. Because it has been sitting on a shelf for quite a while there was more there than I first anticipated. My plan was to finish one new story per week, but I’m now wondering how likely it is for me to finish one short per week since I’m so out of pracetice. I’ll get to the one short per week, but it will take a little time.

Alright, here are today’s poems/songs:

Untitled #56: “Stranger in a Strange Land” by Leon Russell and the Shelter People. This poem was really led by the word ‘born’ in the lyrics. The poem ended up being about a child being born. Then, of course, it took a turn. Not dark, just weird.

Untitled #57: “Mr. Blue Sky” by ELO. This poem was fun to write. Again, it was about children. It was playful from beginning to end.

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Today’s poem for your reading pleasure, “A Wednesday in Summer“, is from my chapbook, Urban Tumbleweed, Vol. 1: In Search of Greener Grass. NOW AVAILABLE, you can find it HERE!

A Wednesday in Summer

Sweat of a summer afternoon
hangs in humid air
resting between my shoulder blades,
torturing me with a tickle
I cannot reach.

Its cruel humor
continues by teasing the window fan
with thoughts of a duel,
but electricity cannot compete.

I watch children
hurdle the neighbor’s sprinkler,
laughing as cool beads
attack their legs.

I listen
to the Kamikaze fly
crash repeatedly
into the screen door.
It’s something to do,
I suppose.

The weatherman
fries an egg on the sidewalk,
and bakes cookies
on a dashboard
hoping to show himself witty.

A glass of water
leaves a ring on the table,
pearls on the hand that caress it,
and relief upon dry lips.

(c) TygerLily Ernst Wonch

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And, if you haven’t checked it out yet, my photography is on EXHIBIT at New Chemical History. Take a look! I hope you enjoy it.